I'm posting more of my haiku's that I wrote after Debbie passed away. Season of Mourning: She will always be missing, Season without end. These haikus are all arranged in the order in which I wrote them. They show my grief journey with all its twists and turns and ups and downs.. Celebration of Life Service Life intersections, People she has affected, Four hundred attend. Making arrangements, Visiting cemeteries, Things need to be done. 5-24-14 Twenty-fourth flowers; Her birthday gift in each month. Now what do I do? I am haunted by Words that were never spoken, Things I should have done. Stop kicking myself. Let go the mistakes I made, Then my grief worsens. Thinking back a year, Remember the beginning, And my tears still flow. Grief lessens with time. I don’t want to feel less sad About missing her. Unexpected tears. Waves of grief wash over me And leave me broken. A North Shore finding. Rock in the form of a heart, Her love’s always here. It was the hardest, They came to take her body, Taking part of me. Other people’s cures Are wonderful news for them. Where was our wonder? Prayers didn’t cure, Why did God lead us to this? And yet, still I pray. How I got through it One foot, then the other In front of the last Christmas without her – Will be hard says everyone, Like today’s easy. Reminders of her – Sad, but then I don’t forget, So they are welcome. I want to tell her About something that happened. But I can’t, she’s gone. Images from a dream – A bunch of yellow flowers, Wish I’d taken them. A hug, a walk by – Dreams of the one who was lost All coins have two sides. The coin of our love: Good times, tough times, all the time You can still spend it. Up there in heaven, We’ll see each other again; Happy to come home. Hold her in my arms, Feel her sleeping next to me. Missing her presence. She left, leaving me Alone, adrift and afraid, As I was before. Thinking of places, Spots that had meaning for her. Scattering ashes. It’s been long enough. Should be over it by now. They seem to imply. A Valentine’s Day I will visit her ashes And think about her. One year coming up. The date she transitioned. How will I react? Found in our back yard –
Wife and mother sends her love, A Valentine’s heart. In the darker hours I question my decisions And ponder what ifs. Then feels like now. It’s too vivid in my head. Going through it twice. Unfortunately, I’m living in the moment Of a year ago. Her greeting – “Debbie” Final check on her cell phone A strong sounding voice Ashes to ashes How can the world remain? Dust to dust the end The angel teacher Watches over her students Pushing for their best Toothbrush sits alone No partner in the holder Silent reminder Time’s perplexing pace Slowly it quickly flew by I’m still missing her I gave her my best Or so I thought at the time Did she think that too? Things I should have done Hindsight’s twenty-twenty Can’t see emotion She meets her children Miscarriages in heaven Additional joy It’s too depressing Please keep your grief to yourself We don’t like sad things No how was your day No conversations in bed Loneliness instead What would it be like If you were here and alive Makes me feel cheated My pain doesn’t show I walk alone with my grief Appearing normal Season of After: Grief’s just part of my story. I am not there yet. Like I said, I'm not there yet. So, these haikus are really part of my mourning. But I felt that thematically they fit better in their own season as they are looking ahead. Envisioning what the future might look like did help me on my grief journey. In the future I’ll Think of her without regrets, Recall her with joy. See what lies ahead. The last line of a haiku, Visioning my future. Alternate endings For the Season of After When I make it there: - I can be joyous. - I am not lonely. - And I am hopeful. - And God walks with me. - When I’m no longer defined By my missing love. Afterward Forever grateful: Kindness, compassion, concern Shown by so many.
2 Comments
6/4/2018 08:22:46 pm
Dear Tim,
Reply
Tim K
6/5/2018 09:24:33 pm
Thank you Peggy. I appreciate your comments.
Reply
Your comment will be posted after it is approved.
Leave a Reply. |
Details
Author
Tim Kane's memories, musings and updates. Archives
August 2021
Categories
All
|